...

This isn't really me. I don't like corporate culture even if I might fit in it. I don't love the idea of this being "what I do". So I need to ensure it isn't. I'm not nuts about the way corporations are organized and run. At any rate, I'm not interested in playing the game.

I'm doing this for the same reason many are - money. There are too many bills to be paid. Too many debts. Too much at stake. Including my dignity & my sanity. I don't know if you're supposed to identify yourself by what your job is. It's only your means of livelihood. Only!

But I know, as a thinking, sentient human being, that there are other things on earth worthier of spending my life doing. And I will do them. For the life of me. I will not lose my faith.

I am afraid of insecurity. And exhausted with poverty. Working this job ensures that I can sustain myself and building a career on this will ensure fiscal independence - freedom - that I can't really guarantee any other way. But I will not fool myself about it. I haven't. And I won't because I really can't.

Life on this planet is great. It's vast, endless and impossibly multiversal. It would be a shame to waste it in this straight and narrow.

That other thing ... it's not duty. The minute I do something there because of some self-righteous sense of duty born out of obligation ... it's all over. Fresh start then. Wrap up...